One of my friends told me that she is amazed at how I have turned my cancer into an adventure. I never would have thought of it like that. I have just chosen to LIVE and do the things I’ve always wanted to do and not let anything stop me, not even cancer. I feel like I really live my life to the fullest now more than ever.
I recently attended a camp run by Epic Experience life beyond cancer. It was a week-long camp with 9 other cancer survivors. It was a week that changed everything. I proved to myself that I can be active all day and not get tired. I wondered how many times I used cancer as an excuse not to do something? Probably too many to count. I learned that my body is powerful and I can still do things I love. It helped me to not give up on myself and that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. I was given a camp nickname, “River.” I didn’t realize how powerful this name would be to me until the next couple of days. I have become very fond of my new nickname.
We were taken out on the Colorado River for White Water rafting, something I have never done before. The first day I was scared I kept thinking I would get tossed out of the raft. I learned that there are dangerous rocks that you sometimes can’t see that are under the water. I kept imagining hitting one of them and cracking my head open. These rafts are run by very experienced guides so really it’s up to you to just hang on. The second day we were told you are going on your own little canoe or “Duckie,” as they like to call them. Well they are a bright yellow so that makes sense. This scared me even more. “I am going by myself?” I thought in a panic. I immediately went into catastrophic thinking. They reassured us that they would tell us what to do. I remembered two things: Don’t get out of your boat no matter what and if you fall out go on your back and put your legs up. I was so focused on these two things I didn’t hear how I was supposed to steer the canoe. I got in the canoe and off I went.
I steered right into a tree and didn’t know how to get myself back to the middle of the river. Eventually the current gets me there. I don’t think I’m helping. I am just trying to keep my head above the waves I keep hitting. I immediately got stuck in another tree. I wanted out of that canoe immediately. I just thought there is no way I am going to keep putting myself through this torture. I did something different which was confessed to one of the camp coaches. They pointed out that there are many other options. You can go with a guide if you want, which I didn’t know going with a guide was an option. I was just going to suck it up and pretend I was fine (like I usually do) and this time I didn’t. Having the guide made a huge difference to me. I felt I was in good hands because she knew what she was doing. The rest of the ride down was immensely better and I got to enjoy the scenery more than I did the first time.
I have learned it’s ok to ask for other options and it’s ok to admit when you’re scared. I realize the river is a lot like cancer. It’s powerful and you don’t have control over what it’s going to do. You just have to navigate the small waves and sometimes the big ones will crash down on you when you least expect it but you still come out on the other side. You may fall out of the boat but you can float and eventually get back in. The other truth is that you can also die in it. I get to speak up and express what direction I want to go in with my adventure with Cancer. For me the river taught me to choose to take on life without living in fear of it.
-Sherri O aka River